


Of Monsters and Men

by High King Fen (HighKingFen)



Series: To days gone by [4]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: And a Hug, Canon-ish to s04, Eliot has a different revelation in the happy place, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Margo needs a nap, Multi, Quentin needs a hug and a nap too, The Monster is hungover, at least Rupert is cute?, chap 8 tw for suicidal attempt reference, everyone is sad, theres a baby Coldwater-Waugh number two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-06-26 04:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighKingFen/pseuds/High%20King%20Fen
Summary: Season Four of The Magicians with a big dose of ''What if'' Arielle and Rupert would have joined them on earth. Same possession, love drama, werewolf and rebellion against the library, but now with a very pregnant wife and a son who only knows Q by a video he made the day before he left for Blackspire.





	1. Letter to Arielle

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. You guys mean the world to me.

_Arielle,_

_I am writing you this while Todd is bargaining with the bunny you sent to bring you back a message. From what I hear, this bunny is either a great bargainer or Todd is really dumb, but I will go with a happy mix of the two. Anyway, make sure bunnies can smoke weed, and it wasn't just a thing he said to Todd..._

_There are no words to explain how fucking confusing this must be to you. It is for me, but I was not aware of it the whole time. Meanwhile, you and Fen waited and Fillory and believed the worst had happened! I am not sure of all the details, Fogg was coy on some information but, after sending you this, his location spell should have worked, and I will run toward everyone and send Quentin and Eliot in the castle!_

_It's a long story, but a short one as well. After we left Whitespire, we went to Blackspire, as you know. What we learned on our way there is that Quentin had contacted the knight who was guarding the castle with the magic I had given him (another long story that can wait and is better explained in person). The knight wanted to swap her place with someone else, and Kady had agreed to do it. Claiming she had nothing for her since Penny was gone. I will kick her ass for thinking that when I see her, believe me._

_Once in the castle, the monster came, but it only looked like a mere human. Eliot decided to shot it with the God-killing bullet I had. Fogg thinks Eliot acted that way so no one will have to lose their life or suffer for no reason. As he sacrificed himself for saving everyone once, Fogg thinks he didn't want someone else to have the same problems._

_At the same time, Alice turned on us, and we learned that she had been a spy agent for The Library for awhile. They had asked her to suck my power for their benefits, and she decided that it was not a good thing and that nobody should have magic. So she used fairy dust and destroyed the key we all worked so hard to get._

_I had to give up everything I had to return to Blackspire and restore the keys (once again, will explain in person) but by doing so, I ended up too weak to do anything else. We manage to open a portal to magic, and it came back to all of the worlds._

_But if Alice double-crossed us, then Irene McAlistair and The Library did even worse. They waited for us to open the backdoor to magic and took the spring for themselves. They put a device on it that redirects all of magic toward The Library and from what little Fogg had told me, it is now controlled by them all over the worlds? Maybe in this part, you know more than I do._

_At first, The Library had planned to kill us, but Fogg had pleaded to erase our memories instead. He said it was an act of mercy. I see it as, not even trying to stop them. But this is a battle we will have with him once everyone is reunited._

_From what he told me, he took the character of an obscure fictional worlds and made their memories and their lives become ours; for nearly nine months I was persuaded my name was Kim, I was a genius who graduated Harvard (one of the best school on Earth) very young and was now a new student at Brakebills. Ironic isn't it?_

_He told me he gave Quentin the life of a teacher in a university, Kady was a detective, Penny was a DJ (music player), Margo is a magazine editor, Josh is a Uber driver (the car we used together to get pizza last time we saw each other on Earth), and Eliot is the son of an English lord who goes to school in America._

_Alice was handled by The Library, and he told me he doesn't know what became of her but was assured that she was alive. Not that I care anymore. If I didn't have to lose my powers in the first place, I would have protected everyone from The Library and Irene McAllister. Instead, we got this._

_We forgot everything. Not forgot. We were not even ourselves. I came back to my own self about an hour ago, and I am still getting a flashback of things that happen to my real person, Julia, that I had forgotten. Your bunny dropping on Fogg's desk did jump back my memories of Quentin and all of our life together._

_Then you. Then Fen. Then Rupert._

_I tried to text Quentin, but cellphone doesn't work in Brakebills. I hope that what I did t break the spell had worked on him and the others. I will run to them, show them your letters and bring your husband and Eliot back to you. I promise._

_I am so sorry we forgot about you about everything. But now we are back, we are strong, and we will be united together again soon._

_Wait for a bunny from Quentin soon; I will force him to write one if needed._

_Love_

_Julia. Not Kim. Julia._

Fen looked up from the letter Arielle had brought her in the middle of a meeting. Everyone had been dismissed, and she had gone into a more private place to read, her heart beating so fast it was about to explode; after what she just saw earlier...this?

The Acting High King had just come back from handling the potential seeing of Ember and was trying to explain to the council what happened, even if she didn't quite catch half of it herself. This letter was explaining a lot, in fact. Despite whatever Tick Pickwick was saying, they were not fooled by this Gods that wasn't Ember or Umber; it had been Margo who had a change in front of them. From the face of a stranger to the face of the High King of Fillory. Then she had disappeared again. Leaving everyone more confuse and with less answer than before.

At least Fen had convinced Bacchus to diminish the amount of opium in the air, explaining the dangers it had put the citizen in since he came to Fillory.

"They are alive." Arielle finally said when she saw the Acting High King look up from the letters.

The soon-to-be mother had her hand clutch around her swollen belly, her cheek full of tears, but her eyes were sparkling like they haven't had been in months.

Fen felt more fear than excitement, and she was not sure why. Maybe seeing so much joy in Arielle made her think that one of them had to be cautious. But when she re-read some of the lines Julia had taken time to write to them before going to see the others, a spark of hope came into her heart.

If someone were able to bring Quentin and Eliot and even Margo back here, it would be Julia. She trusted her more than anything. They will be able to talk. Able to explain.

And she won't have to be Acting High King anymore. She will finally be able to have a day without asking herself if she was doing Margo justice.

Fen grinned and let Arielle's joy contaminated her. Both girls hugged firmly for a long time.

"Let's get Rupert and make sure he's all clean and adorable for his dads to come back." Declared Fen. Arielle nodded excitedly. "And let's make sure bunnies can smoke weed!"


	2. Julia

There was something almost unreal to the fact that Julia lost nine months of her life. Nine months as Kim, an architect who was only at Brakebills because Fogg knew her true identity. Without an ounce of magic, she had been studying in one of the best Magical University in the world. The irony was not lost on her, and the only reason she had pushed away all the anger she felt toward Henry Fogg was to see Quentin and find a way to reunite him with his wife. Then she wanted to find Kady. And the new Penny. And the others.

And she did. She forced Henry to find Quentin. The moment their embrace from the reunion was over, she gave her best friend the letter from his wife. All question fell from his mind as he started to read, and his face was becoming paler and paler.

Julia had sat him down and hugged Kady and Penny, asking if they had found Josh and Margo. But Penny was more intrigued by Quentin and asked Julia what she just gave him. So she told them everything the letter was saying. Five minutes later, Penny had sent Quentin took a shower and washed all the blood from him and went to Fillory.

"What's up with him?" Julia asked aloud. And since Kady was the only person left in the room, she answered.  
"How could I know? He's not our Penny,"

A sense of immense sadness and despair washed over Julia, who looked at what used to be her best friend, her best bitch. The anger was gone from her, and there was an emptiness that had entered her since the day Penny from their timeline died.

"Beer?" Kady asked as she opened the fridge.  
"Sure. Why not."

Julia didn't want a beer. But it was something to do with her hands and her mouths. Penny arrived as Kady was opening their bottle.

Nine months was a strange concept to grasp. Many things must have changed in the world, and yet it seemed like she just awakened from a nap, and the world was the same. But Arielle and her gigantic belly was the most tangible thing she had seen since she was back to herself. When they had said goodbye to her, she had a flat stomach and was holding a baby. Rupert, who was in the fillorian's arm, was a toddler now. Nine months is a long time for a child to grow.

When Quentin saw them as he got out of the bathroom, his face melted and rush toward them to embrace them and cried. They had the decency to go to one of the bedrooms to experience their family reunion. Julia felt her best friend had been trying to be brave and calm to the fact that his wife had been pregnant and he hadn't known. Seeing her had altered all his plan and he had melted so hard it was almost beautiful. Not for the first time, Julia saw how much he loved his wife. Contrary to Eliot and Fen, this had been a marriage of love and not one of convenience.

"Thanks," Penny said, which snapped Julia out of the mind twirl she had been in.

Kady had opened him a beer, and they were now all drinking in silence, hearing the found sound of crying from the bedroom.

"Why were you so fast to pick them up?" Kady asked, reading Julia's mind. "I mean, we all could have used a bit more hours to come back to our sense before facing reality.  
"Between all of us, I am the one that saw almost everyone here die. "Penny said in a soft voice despite the seriousness of the conversation.

Right. Timeline 23 was not the best for any of them.

"You know, I think I was the one holding you while you bled to death in class when The Beast first attacked us," Penny said to Kady.

This visibly surprised Kady. Julia too to be honest. He had claimed not knowing her. Maybe he had forgotten who was the girl he only knew for a few weeks in Brakebills, and getting his memory back had meant remembering this. Perhaps he always remembered and had lie to them. Who knew.

"I know what it is to lose everything." Penny continued after a long drink. Julia drank too out of not knowing what to say. "All the life you've built for yourself is taken away from you suddenly and without warning. I get that. I lived it. So if I can avoid someone to experience that, I will. Especially knowing there are kids involved."  
"It's nice that you did this for Q," Julia said, her heartbreaking at the reminder that part of that life he had built had been herself in a timeline where they actually had known each other.  
"I didn't do it for him." Scuffed Penny. "I did it for Arielle. The girl doesn't deserve that. Nor the kids."  
"I hope you punched Fogg in the throats by the way," Kady added, agreeing with Penny for once.

Julia smiled slightly, touched by Penny's kindness and the semblance of friendship she uses to have with Kady.

"Nah, I figured you would want to do it when you see him. You punch harder."

The three of them smiled, amused. Rupert's voice pierced the silence as he was saying "PAPA."

Nine months. The kind had been barely able to make sounds. Now he was saying words.

***

Julia and Arielle hugged fiercely when the mother to be had left the bedroom to find a bathroom. She had bumped into her, and their hug had been as strong and full of love as the one she had exchange with Quentin.

"Thank you." The Fillorian whispired  
"You'll have to thank Penny; he's the one that decided to pick you up."  
"We expect him to come to us, to be honest" She laughed. "But you still took the time to give me answers when I had been praying for some. So thank you."

A sense of pure sadness washed over Julia as she realized that she used to be able to feel the prayers from people when she had been a Goddess, in the garden with Iris. And now, she had nothing but this ever-growing void inside her chest. Losing her magic had ripped her soul apart; something was missing.

"How's Q?" Julia asked  
"Shaken. But better when he realized Rupert knew him. We played video of him and Eliot on

Julia had just been briefed on Eliot, and she was not even sure she fully understood it. The idea of delivering the news to Arielle was not something she wanted to do. All Julia wanted right now was another beer and a nap.

"I know what is happening with Eliot." Assured Arielle, visibly reading something in Julia's face. "Q told me. "

Both girls exchanges the kind of sad, powerless smile only that kind of situation could muster.

"Where is Penny?" Asked Arielle a bit too quickly not to be a poor attempt at changing the subject, "I need to talk to him."

Julia pointed the living room, and the mother-to-be went to talk to the traveller. Julia sighed a moment and went into the room she knew Quentin was. After seeing him experiencing so many emotion at once, she knew he might have a hard time processing them. Despite being tired and overwhelmed herself, she couldn't go to bed without making sure he was okay.

She found him on the bed, holding his son against his chest probably a bit too hard, kissing his head and humming a song while the little one was falling asleep. This was such a tender moment she felt terrible to interrupt it. Julia was about to walk away when Quentin noticed her and smile through his tears.

"How are you doing?" Julia asked, sitting in the chair near the bed.

Julia always took pride in being a smart girl. But when it came to baby, she had no clue what to do. She felt that the further away she was, the best chance she had not to wake him up.

Quentin didn't talk. Julia knew this look. Knew this face. She knew he was feeling so much emotion right now he was unable to speak. She knew he wanted to say that, in a kind of twisted way, he was fine. She knew he needed her right here, right now.

No need for magic or god power to know this. Only a friendship like theirs could say all of this in the pure and simple silence.

So she let him hold his son. And silently cry. She only realized minutes later that she was crying too. All the hurt of the betrayal of Alice, the impossible choice Iris had made her do, the loss of her power, magic is back.

Nine months lost forever.

At least she knew that, as Julia, she would have probably been one of the best at Brakebills as a student. That was a real ego boost.

"Penny agreed to bring Rupert back to the castle. I'll write a letter to Fen and explain everything."

Arielle calm and soft voice felt like a scream in the silence emotional bound Julia and Quentin were sharing. But it was best this way. Julia needed to take control over herself and her emotions, otherwise, she would go back in a spiral she had just gotten out of. She wiped her tears quickly as the couple was talking.

"You aren't going back?" Quentin asked his wife, surprise.  
"I know you want both of us safe and far away from The Monster my love," Arielle said, sitting next to him on the bed. "But there is no way that I travelled time and worlds to stay with you and end up waiting for you in a palace. My place is next to you. Helping you saving Eliot."

Julia saw a light in Quentin's eye that had not been there before. She saw the love he had for her when he kissed her. Julia already liked Arielle, but at this moment, she decided she loved her. Quentin needed this kind of fierce yet helping attitude. They might all need this kind of hopeful presence around them for a while.


	3. The Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The monster goes to Starbucks.

The monster woke up twelve hours after his tip to Fillory with Josh and Margo. After his last meeting with Bacchus, he had felt many things he was not able to understand or put words. It was a kind of feeling that felt good and sad at the same time. It felt like what Quentin looked like when he was playing Brian. 

Hating the many conflicting emotion in his chest and starting to get a headache from a memory that was trying to remember but couldn’t, he went to the place he had found on Earth with his last trip with Brian. Greece. It was a small hotel room and, after being asked not to kill anyone to get them beds, the monster had reluctantly enchanted the men to give them a room. He did the same thing. The not killing thing. Mostly because the hand that was holding the rock Bacchus had hidden was still full of blood that was starting to dry and create a small crust.

Once in the bedroom, he got sad that Quentin was not with him to play and find a solution to his rock puzzle. But he knew the body he was in needed to sleep. He hated the fact that he needed sleep. It was the same thing in his prison, and he had hope that having the body of a magician would make him able not to need to sleep so much. But he needed. And he knew that if he was pushing it too hard, he could sleep a whole day. 

It had happened once, at the beginning of his game with Quentin-Brian. He had slept a whole day and found his friend had been gone when he woke up. Brian had said it was to find clues for him, but the fact that they had been in an airport made the monster thing he was lying and trying to go back to his boring life. So he had played nicer that day and didn’t even kill. He never slept as long after that, and Brian had learned that fleeing was useless.

And it was. Part of being whatever the monster has had the perks that he knew where people could be if he concentrated on them long enough. It was easier if he had a place in mind or knew the person. But he had found Quentin-not-Brian-anymore’s friend quickly that way anyway. 

The wards on the place were harmless at best. 

But now the monster had woken up and half a day was gone. The clock was saying six pm, which was annoying. But he knew that if it were night here, it would not be in New York yet. Good. Sleeping in a different timezone had an advantage after all. He was not losing time even if he slept more than he’d like. 

At least his headache was gone. 

He got out of bed and look at his hand and arm full of dry blood and sigh, deciding to take a shower. Washing was not his favourite thing in the world and was definitively new since he was out of prison, but he likes the sensation of the shower rain on his head. And he liked to spend hours in the bath looking at the dirt of his skin floating away from him. And he loved the smell of soap. Earth soap. Not Fillory soap. 

Another thing the monster was discovering; he had preferences, taste and dislikes. Those were things he didn’t bother with when he was forced to live in a highly secured prison so full of magic it had to be hidden. At least Quentin had found him. And had wanted to be friend with him. 

After cleaning himself, changing his clothes, the monster grabbed the rock and transported himself to the penthouse he had last seen his friend. Maybe Margo and Josh would be there too and help. That could be a fun game. Together. 

But the place was empty. There was nobody, and yet it was early in the morning. Well, ten am is not early but not late, either. It’s a regular hour for people to be awake and helping him. 

‘’Hello?’’ He said, his voice echoing in the empty penthouse. ‘’Quentin?’’

A door opens, and he was about to greet his friend but stopped. Unsure. From now, all the faces he had seen in this place had been people he had met in prison. But this was not one. It was a girl, with a big belly and dark blond hair. 

‘’Oh! El...Hi. Hello.’’ The woman said, tugging at the dress she was visibly putting on when he arrived.   
‘’Who are you? Where is Quentin?’’ The monster asked, unsure what to do. 

She didn’t seem hostile, so maybe he shouldn’t kill her right away. Perhaps she could help like Quentin’s friend? He was discovering more and more that not killing people allowed them to help him later. 

‘’Quentin is out for the moment.’’ The young woman said, approaching carefully. There was fear in her eyes. She probably knew who he was then.   
‘’I’m not Eliot by the way. Don’t call me El.’’ He said, making the rock disappear; he wasn’t sure if he could trust this big woman with his secret yet.   
‘’I know, I’m sorry. I forgot. I just woke up, and it was a habit. ‘’ The woman said, sitting on the furthest part of the couch. ‘’I’m Arielle.’’

It was getting annoying, people calling him Eliot despite him saying it was not his name. What was complicated in the fact that the body he has had nothing to do what who he was. Mortals were so simple sometimes. 

‘’Hi Arielle. Where is Quentin?’’   
‘’Out, for the day. He told me to tell you if you were coming that he’d be back by dinner most likely.’’

The monster sat in the chair who was in front of the woman. Her voice was softer than Margo but less affirmative. There was a pang of need he felt in his stomach he couldn’t quite comprehend and was making him a bit angry. A desire for this woman to be nice to him, and to take care of him as Quentin did. 

‘’Who else is here?’’  
‘’No one. I am alone. They let me sleep in I think.’’  
‘’Why are you lying?’’  
‘’I... I’m not lying?’’ 

The woman was visibly confused, but the monster wasn’t sure if she was a good actress about her emotion to deceive him, or if she didn’t know there was someone else in the house. 

‘’There’s a third person in the house. I feel it. ‘’ The monster said, frowning and angry. Why was she lying

The woman, A...Amy(?) was visibly confused for a few seconds, then her eyes widen, and she smiled softly. An emotion wiped all the fear and confusion in her eyes. One he was not sure to have seen yet. Something happy and tender. Her hand was on her big belly. 

‘’I’m pregnant.’’ She said, rubbing her belly. ‘’There is someone in my stomach.’’

The monster frown, recalling how human were multiplying and how they needed time to grow inside someone before being themselves alone. 

‘’There’s a human being inside of you?’’ He asked, leaning towards her. Curious. 

That was a new thing he didn’t get to experience in prison or with Quentin. Pregnancy. Strange why a woman would do such a thing. Mortals were weird. 

‘’It is a strange way to put it. But yes.’’  
‘’It’s almost ready. I feel it.’’  
‘’ A few weeks maximum, yes. ‘’  
‘’Do you want it out? I can help with that.’’

Opening her belly would be simple. Maybe a bit bloody but at least the human would be free.

‘’Oh...! No! No, no! It’s alright; the baby knows when it’s time and will get out. I’d rather it decide than we do.’’  
‘’The baby knows?’’ The monster asked, confused.   
‘’Instinctively yes.’’  
‘’Does it hurts having a small human inside you?’’ He asked, happy someone was answering his question patiently and not in fear. Well, she was trembling a little, but usually, it was sobs and screams. So it was an improvement.   
‘’Not at all. It’s uncomfortable sometimes, but right now, I am fine.’’ She said, her eyes with even more of the emotion he couldn’t quite name. 

It was not pity or happiness. Something like fondness. How could she enjoy the presence of someone who she didn’t know and was making her uncomfortable sometimes? It made no sense. 

‘’I see in your eyes you have a lot more questions. Don’t you?’’ Amy chimed.   
‘’ Yes.’’  
‘’How about we find a place where they sell coffee, and we talk while we drink one.’’   
‘’There’s a Starbucks at the end of the street.’’ He said after a few seconds as he was expanding his internal compass. ‘’I like Starbucks.’’   
‘’Amazing. Let’s go.’’  
‘’After all my question, will you tell me where Quentin is?’’

Amy didn’t answer and went to grab her purse and her shoes. She had to sit down to put them because her human baby was taking too much space inside her belly. 

‘’You should wait for him to come back tonight.’’ She said after a moment. Visibly she had felt that he would ask her the question again. ‘’He is quite busy today.’’  
‘’I can help him be less busy, and then we can work on helping me.’’

Amy hesitated a moment and the monster sigh, getting up and toward the door. 

‘’I don’t have to ask you, I can find him by myself.’’ He mumbles angrily. It was not kind to hide her things. Maybe she was not hiding a person inside of the house, but she clearly didn’t want him to see Quentin, which was rude. Quentin was HIS friend. Not hers. Not as much. He was sure of it. He and Quentin were best friends. 

He wishes he was friend like that with Margo too, but that might be residual emotion of his previous body. He hated when they flared up. 

‘’No problem, I’ll tell you. But after you show me where coffee is. I love coffee from Earth.’’

The monster smile, happy that she came back to her sense. 

‘’Me too,’’ he said. 

They left the apartment and talk for a long time at a table in Starbucks. He drank six coffee, she drank one. After a moment, he was tired of the conversation, and she grabbed her cellphone and said she was asking for the address. After a moment, she received many text message at once, but she promptly gave him the location. 

As he was leaving, she was saying something about being nice and that Quentin was sad. But she couldn’t know how he felt. He was not around them. And his best friend was always a little sad anyway. The monster finished his coffee, dumped it in a trashcan and travelled to Quentin’s dad house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried a new voice in this chapter! Tell me what you think of the characterization of The Monster I did! Yes half way he called Arielle Amy, much like Penny and Percy I feel he isnt good with names
> 
> xx


	4. Eliot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot eats oatmeal while Arielle breastfeed

_The sun was rising on a small cottage, in the middle of nowhere, on the road towards Barrion. Despite the early hours of the day, the little house had a sign of people awaking. Soon enough, A woman wearing a silk robe came outside of the house, holding a baby that was but a few months old. He had stopped crying now that he was in his mother's arm, but his squirming warned the adults of the house that if he were not taken care of soon, his tear would start over. So with sleep in her eye and yet looking at her son with love, Arielle sat at the table and started to breastfeed Rupert._

_Eliot came out a few minutes after, fully dressed yet visibly still tired. Two mugs were floating towards the table while his hand were with oatmeal bowls and muffins._

Eliot was watching himself bringing breakfast to the table and felt like a cold shower fell on him. His heart was beating fast, and he tasted bile in his mouth.

This was it. After hours -days? Months? - Of trying to find out his most repressed memory. After using Welter!Margo, Boat!Fen and First Year!Quentin to help him fight against demons, he was finally at the end of the road; now he had to face a decision part of him had regretted.

" _Sorry, I tried to be quick," Arielle said, grabbing a muffin with appetite. She fixed her hold on Rupert, who was avidly drinking on her left breast._

" _You have to stop apologizing for having a baby with needs. I know feeding him is still a job you can only do, but we can still keep you company while he drinks."_

_Eliot was putting sugar on his oatmeal and started to cut strawberries._

This was it. The last morning. The last few hours before the three of them and Rupert would leave Fillory from the past and cross over the present. The last few hours of happiness he would ever have.

Eliot felt his heart sink, like his chest, had open a whole and now only void was filling it. No. He didn't want to be there. He was not ready.

" _Before you ask Q fell back asleep. I think we dozed him a bit too strongly with Nakia's herb cause he barely woke up that he already was back asleep."_

" _We should not have given him so much calming potion."_

" _He was the one asking for it. We might just put too much."_

_There was a silence between them that was only broken by Rupert's cooing. Arielle fixed his mouth over her nipple and actively made sure she was not looking at Eliot. It was not even subtle. But to be fair, he was trying not to look at her either. The silence was heavy and full of sadness. It was the kind of silence they'd share when they were alone together and still wounded by the miscarriage._

Usually, Eliot wouldn't mind the silence. He would have devoured, down his coffee and started to work on the mosaic until Quentin woke up. But the habit they had, for now, five years was gone. A month ago, Rupêrt had found the golden tile that was the solution to everything. And today, they were going to cast the spell that would bring them back to Earth.

Eliot had and still was, hating himself for being afraid to go back there. To resent the fact that he had to abandon everything because of Margo. He didn't resent Margo. He resented life.

Life had never been fair for him. And now that he had found happiness, of course, it would be taken away from him.

Sacrifice for the greater good. That had been his motto in Fillory, hasn't it? He had married a stranger to make sure they had a weapon against The Beast. Now he was giving up the beauty of all life to make sure Margo was safe and alive.

The difference was that the first time, he had sacrificed himself thinking he would be dead before the next sundown. He had not thought of the consequences or cared enough for them to matter. But now everything he was doing mattered. Not only as a High King of Fillory trying to save his land, but as a friend for Margo, as a partner for Arielle, as a lover for Quentin, as a father for Rupert.

_Eliot snapped of his spiralling mind when he heard sniffling, and his heart broke when he saw Arielle silently crying while feeding their son. Today she was going to a new world, leaving forever behind her family, her friend, her life. She was making the most significant sacrifice of them all, and once again he forgot about her. He was only thinking if his own misery._

_He was trying so hard to be better about that. But clearly, he had miles to go._

" _There is still time 'Elle. "He said calmly, knowing already what her answer would be. "You can stay here."_

Eliot sat on the bed they had carried outside. His past self acknowledges his presence but didn't say anything, which made things worst.

He was seeing Rupert. Tinny little Rupert made him want to cry. How long had he be gone now? Would he manage to come back to himself and his baby boy was now a grown adult who was studying at Brakebills? Did Quentin went back to Whitespire and settle with Arielle in a small house in the city as they promised her? Did Fen join them after Margo came back and took back her crown?

Instead of having two dads, was Rupert now having two moms?

Should having told Arielle to stay behind his regret? Or was it that she followed? Or was it about Rupert? This whole scene, this entire day, this entire parallel life. It was filled with regrets.

" _I can leave now." Eliot continued, looking at the crying young mother. "The bags are ready, Q will still be out for a while. I can go and leave you two here. Be a happy family, we promised you."_

" _Because you think Quentin would be happy once you will be gone?" Sniffled Arielle. "You think I Will?"_

_This surprised Eliot. Arielle was the second person next to Margo, whom he considered a sister of the heart. It was more than friendship. It was love. The quiet kind. The one that is built on respect, on care, on memories. Though, part of him always felt that she had wanted him out of the picture. They were still trying to make this triad work, and it was not perfect, but their love was growing and better than ever. And yet, Eliot always felt that Quentin and Arielle would be as happy without him. He was just a bonus. Whipped cream on top. Sparkles on the cover._

Eliot smile gently, looking at himself react, looking at Rupert who had his big eyes on his mother.

This whole thing was not just regretting. Being with Quentin had been a good thing. Having Arielle in her life had been a good thing. Rupert's arrival in their life had been the best thing of all. If anything, at least they did one good thing in this parallel timeline. And it was named Theodore Rupert Coldwater-Waugh.

Good luck filling paperwork with that though.

" _You think Rupert would?" She continued._

"He's _only four-month he won't- "_

"It's _not about memories El'" she snapped, irritated and still crying. "It's having a piece of his family gone forever. You are his father as much as Quentin, and whatever happened, he will know it. He will be raised knowing he had two loving father that was expecting him with happiness. That you even delivered him when the healer couldn't come. That you held him a whole night during his first fever."_

_This time, Eliot was crying. He wasn't sure why._

Lies. He knew why. But he didn't want to admit it to himself.

Running away always was the most natural option for him, after all.

" _You don't get to decide for me El', Arielle continued. I know you think that Q and I can live happily ever after here but we won't. We can't. I want you in my life as much as I wish, Q and Rupert. And when I married into this family, I knew that there was a chance it meant following you in your quest. "_

" _You barely understood the quest."_

" _Why are you pushing us away?"_

The word _us_ stung the most. Because she knew that including not only herself but Rupert into the discussion would change everything. Because if one thing had made him value everything more than his life, it had been Rupert. His son. And his happiness.

And yet, there was still this cold fear that it was impossible. His life, his present life, was too harsh, too cruel, too... imperfect to bring anything but sorrow to his family.

The present wasn't full of peaches and plums. It was full of Fairies and Angst.

" _Because back there I am not a good person 'Elle! "Eliot exclaim, wiping his eyes from tears he promised himself he wouldn't shed. "I'm a half-drunk king that pretend to know what he's doing. I'm a puppet to the fairies. I am a loser who sends his wife and child in the street of fucking New York with one of the dumbest human I know. I am a coward who use magic and drugs to avoid his problem. And I am scared that, by seeing the real me, I will loose you. And Quentin. And everything."_

_Silence crept over them. Rupert changed breast to feed himself. This time, there was nothing wrong with them, not talking. They needed a moment to think and heal in private while being there for one another._

" _Whoever and whatever you are there, you can't be as bad as you think you are." Arielle finally said after a long moment. "Otherwise, Quentin wouldn't have been in love with you."_

" _He fell in love with me here. We were playing cat and mouse back then, but there was no feeling involved."_

" _Keep telling yourself that then."_

The was it. That was his most significant and most repressed memories; his fear to go back to who he was, delusions included. A bit before they had met Arielle. After a lovemaking morning wakes up, Quentin had admitted to Eliot had he had feelings for him since his first months at Brakebills. But he always felt he was untouchable; how his friendship was too precious to lose over a failed romance.

Only time and being stuck together for a year had given him the courage to believe that maybe, maybe, Eliot would feel the same.

And they had almost gone back to their old dynamic. If it had not been for the Muntjac locking them in the same room until they talk, he would have avoided Quentin, hope for kisses that would never happen and pretend they were just friend.

But he couldn't. Couldn't he? Because the moment he felt Quentin's heartbreak over Kady volunteering to sacrifice herself for the monster, Eliot had made sure to kill that thing so nothing will hurt him. Nothing, not even the loss of a friend, was worth the agony that had been Quentin's anxiety during that boat ride.

He remembered how Quentin had silently whispered that they couldn't let Kady do that, that Julia would never forgive them. And Eliot had found the solution that doomed him. Because in the end, he was possessed by the creature that he tried to kill.

And Quentin and his whole family must be hurting so bad to know that. He was not only abandoning his family, but he also endangered them.

By making himself believe that Quentin would not love him when they were back on Earth, he made sure to hurt everyone he loved.

_Rupert had finished and was fussing around, which made the tired and sad mother sigh. Eliot wasn't sure why, but he felt a guilt wash over him._

" _Go back to bed. You look tired. I'll make him burp and have some time with him." Eliot said, taking Rupert in his arm and putting his little head against his shoulder. The smell of his son and the heat of his body made him feel things he hadn't felt before. A kind of love that word could never describe adequately._

" _Wake me up if he's still hungry. He didn't eat a lot. "Arielle said, a grateful smile on her lips._

_She got up, kissed his head and walked inside to go back to the bed where her husband was sleeping. They could use a few hours of quiet in each other's arm before they would go back to the shit-show that was Earth._

_And he could be alone with Rupert for what he believed the last time in his life._

Eliot saw a door where the garden was supposed to be. He looked at his past self, cuddling Rupert and sigh.

"There is no way you will abandon your family. Not this time."

His past self looked confused but let him kiss the head of Rupert. Eliot wiped his teary eyes, knowing that he needed to fight back. Not for himself. But for Margo. For Fen. For Fray. For Kady. For Julia. For Josh. For Quentin. For Arielle. For Rupert.

**For his family.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know those chapter that takes weeks to write cause you have to think about it and think and think and then BOOM you write it in one sitting.
> 
> Yup that just happen.  
> ope you enjoy it,


	5. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin takes a bath

Quentin came back from his dad house, physically exhausted and emotionally drained. Everything was so overwhelming for him that he couldn’t even muster the energy to cry or feel anything. He just let his feet drag into the penthouse Kady had secure for them and immediately went into the bedroom he knew Arielle was. Because after all of this, he needed her more than he will ever admit.

He was not sure how he ended up in bed, still wearing his clothes and shoes, being held by her. He didn’t know how long they had been like this. He felt nothing so much that the emptiness became something. Like the void inside him being so powerful that it created a new item unknown to men; a mass full of darkness, sorrow and inability to live and yet not wanting to die. Quentin didn’t even felt that bad when he had to battle himself against the 5th key what feels like a lifetime ago.

After a moment, he followed Arielle, who lead him to the bathroom to draw him a bath. He pretended not to notice the worried look she exchanged with Julia. He sank into the warm water as the bath was getting full, not listening to his wife talking as she was looking for soap and a scrub. He stayed motionless in the warm water, fixing in front of him and yet not looking at anything, looking deeply into the void.

_He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone._

At least the warm water and the hand of his wife washing him made him come back to a semblance of reality — one where he hurt but wasn’t as numb as to ignore everything around him.

‘’ .... so I asked Julia, and she told me the last book isn’t even out! ‘’ Arielle was whispering about things that didn’t matter.

She was never one that avoided silence. In fact, the best moment they spent together were spent without them talking, in the sweet happiness of each other’s presence. And now she was talking. Which meant she was uncomfortable. Or probably unsure of what to say or to do. He hated to put her in this situation, but he void in his heart was expending too quickly for him to care to put self-loathing into the pile of problems.

_He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone._

‘’I need to know what happens to Arya and Sansa! Oh and I am pretty sure Tyrion will get killed by Danearys, this girl has too much of a perfect story for the book. Something will make her snap and go crazy, and I bed my hat, it’s Tyrion.’’

Was she talking about Game of Thrones? Right. He remembered she had told him she’d read his book while he was gone. He should be excited and talk theories with her. Maybe even find an iPad and show her the show. But instead, he let her voice continue to fill the room, her hand scrub his back, and her perfume soothe him.

When she was done washing his hair, and she had taken a break to pee thanks to the baby being on her blatter, he had thanked her and get out of the bath. He dried himself and put a towel around his hips. Arielle hugged him, and they stayed like this for a long time, her hand dancing on his back, giving him goosebumps.

His body was reacting to her in ways it always had. Arielle had this calming yet intensely arousing effect on him. And part of him remembers the need to be taken care for had always been something that gave him strong emotions, good and bad. He felt himself becoming hard; he felt himself putting his lips on her. He was aware of bringing her to their bed and exploring every inch of her body. Part of him needed her skin on his lips, and her longing sighs.

But part of him wasn’t there either. It was gone. It will forever be gone, now that Eliot was dead.

It was not the first time he’d made love to his pregnant wife. It was not the first time he needed to feel Arielle inside and around him to feel loved. It was not the first time that he’d put his hand on the stomach as they were catching their breath, hoping to feel the baby.

The baby didn’t move. His dad was dead. Eliot was gone.

Putting his head in the crook of her neck, Quentin kissed a soft spot knowing he’d given her a hickey earlier. She sighs and played in his hair. He closed his eyes.

And started to cry.

But this was not just sadness. Theses were deep sobs. Ones that came out from the void like a beam of light, only to pierce his heart and make him cry.

Once Julia had made him realized that he didn’t want to die. Not really. He wanted the hurt to stop. The pain was what he needed to fix. That was one of the days she’d driven him to the hospital and made him take his medication.

This sentence came again in his head, as he was sobbing in the warm of Arielle, pain and despair washing over him like a tsunami. He had to remind himself that the desire to die that he was feeling right now was not real. That he wanted the pain to go away. And since he couldn’t do anything about it at the moment, it was okay to keep crying and be sad.

Pure exhaustion was what made him fall asleep. He didn’t even wake up when Arielle inevitably woke up during the middle of the night to pee. Or in the morning when she got out of bed.

Sleeping was better than dying. He was still alive, he was not hurting his loved ones, but at least he wasn’t feeling anything. Sleeping was an excellent compromise to death.

The morning after, he woke up emotionally drained, but with one thing in mind; if Eliot was gone, then there was no way he would let a monster use his body. He needed to kill it.

The plan came to him like the Gods themselves had heard his cried last night. Julia had this black stone that would paralyze The Monster, and the Gods would take care of killing it. He had sent his best friend, a Fillorian girl (who was she by the way? Julia had explained, but his mind was too foggy to remember anything that was not affecting his primary goal directly.) and his wife to Brakebills and distract The Monster while he was draining slowly but surely the rock.

Seeing Alice was the last thing he had needed. And yet now she was helping, making a steady flow of the black stone where he could only do drips at a time. This girl had the power of a god without being one. She had been powerful before being a Niffin; now, he was almost scared of what she became. Well, he would be scared, or angry, or tired, or feel anything really, if he wasn’t so emotionally empty. He was trying to force himself to resent her, and all he could muster was indifference; why bother having feelings when his soulmate was gone, and he couldn’t say goodbye.  
But then he got to say something. Or at least, see it. Eliot. Eliot had taken over his body for a few seconds and assured him he was alive and fighting to come back.

‘’We found the beauty of all life and yet we got scared of being with each other here.’’ Eliot laughed happily. Quentin had been confused.

‘’What’’

‘’Peaches and Plums motherfucker. I am alive in her. And I’m going to come back to my family. Like a promised.’’

Thank god he saw the light in the eyes of the men he loves disappear. He knew when The Monster was back because Eliot’s brown eyes were not his. He could tell.

Saving The Monster from their plan and making him believe it had been a way to trick the Gods all along was now easy to do. So was holding Arielle’s hand when they walked home.

He didn’t even felt guilty to say goodbye to Alice, knowing that their chapter together was over. He didn’t feel anger, either. He was emotionally tired, but he was also at peace with the decision to let her go. They both had been great together and now needed time to be apart. And he wasn’t agonizing about it.

Because Eliot was alive. Because he now had a new goal. Because he knew that the family he built in the small cottage in Fillory was still there, not physically together since Rupert was in Whitespire and Arielle was gone with Julia buying Chinese take-out, but there anyway. He could get to Fillory and hug his son. He will make love to his wife and be mentally aware of it this time tonight. And he will fight and get to see Eliot again.

_He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive._

As he watches Alice leave the house, a large book in hand, Quentin felt different. The pain was there, but now it wasn’t alone. Last time he’d felt that way, was when he’d given up on saving magic and a bunny had given him a message that sent them on a quest — a bunny, posted by Eliot.

Twice in his life, Eliot had saved Quentin from giving up on life. And now that they had a family together, there was even more fuel for them to succeed.

Peaches and plums motherfucker; Quentin Coldwater will save Eliot Waugh from The monster.


	6. Margo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margo need a nap. Rupert watch videos.

Margo had enough of fillorian bullshit for a decade. She had been anxious to come back, knowing being gone so long must not have been suitable for Fen or the political climate. She did not expect to go back to drama on every side of the country, animal becoming silent and things being weird with Josh. But he life was a long line of problems that never seemed to end; when one thing was fixed, three other issues appeared. At least magic was back, and there was a lot of things magic could fix.

At least she used to believe that.

Arielle had sent a bunny to Fen about Eliot, so breaking the news was not a priority. And from what Rafe told her, there was an order from the young woman that Rupert shouldn’t be around Margo when she returns, as she was not the best with kids and had enough thing to focus on. The last thing she needed was to pretend she wanted to see a toddler cry and poop his pants in her courtroom. She did appreciate the gesture.

It was easy to hold Fen and let her cry after she confirmed that Eliot was gone. Easier than she thought. It had been her who reached for the fillorian, knowing she needed comfort. Margo was struggling to find the reason why doing this has been second nature and the idea that Fen was becoming a friend was so scary that she put another wall around her heart; she was unable to deal with her best friend leaving without saying goodbye, she wouldn’t be able to allow someone else to make her vulnerable right away. But at least the High King knew that she was doing the right thing.

After letting Josh see her cry, it had been easier for Margo to push down all her emotion and focus on her duty; the castle, Fillory and Fen. Those were things she could handle and was not crushing her soul with despair; she was not prepared to face. Even when Fen kept asking if she had cried for Eliot, Margo felt her resolution to not think about it weakening every time.

So between the crazy mourning fillorian ritual, her birthright box hard to open and Fen trying to make her have emotion, Margo felt herself on the verge of becoming angry and mean and hurt people as she uses to before. Words were her best weapon, after all. And when the animal decided to stop talking, Margo had enough; with the castle shut down for Eliot’s memorial, Fen crying for hours and now this, she needed to be far away from everyone and everything. She needed to ground herself back to the High King she was supposed to be and be strong and brave.

So not even 24 hours after she arrived, Margo head to her room, ready to drink a bottle of wine and pop some Ambient and sleep her sorrow away.

What she didn’t expect was to find Rupert on her bed, holding a cellphone and watching a video of Eliot teasing Margo and telling her to say something to his son, she reluctantly said to be kind to Fen and that he was cute and she wished him goodnight. The video changed to Arielle who was signing a lullaby, visibly having filmed this in the penthouse before she sends him back to Whitespire.

Olive, Fen’s handmaiden and official nanny of the prince, was placing what seemed like the new outfits that had just come from the seamstress; she had ordered them before leaving for Blackspire, and now that she was back, it must have been sent to her room.

Margo took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds, telling herself she was only two people away from her emotionless slumber. A tear had swollen in her eyes when she heard Eliot on the phone and now was not the time to cry. If she did, she would never stop. Like she’d warn Fen.

After a few breaths, Margo entered her room and put a neutral expression on her face, as if she had not been creeping in the shadow of the door of her room for the last minute. Olive gasped and put down a green and gold gown before bowing deeply.

‘’My king. I didn’t expect you here for a few hours. ‘’ apologized the dark-skinned girl.

Rupert peaked over the screen of the phone he was holding -the videos seemed to be in a loop and now were over- and looked at her with curiosity. She felt a shiver to her heart when she saw he had the same eyes as Quentin; full of wonder and fear of the world.

‘’It’s alright, I just changed plan. The castle is in mourning today, so it’s useless to try to work. And I need a nap. ‘’ Margo said, walking toward the dresser her pills where; thank Gods she had thought of re-stocking them before coming back here.

‘’Ma-oh!’’ Rupert exclaimed, happily.

Margo turned to look at him, which she was actively trying not to. The toddler was pointing at the screen then at her and smile so much that his whole face light up.

‘’Ma-oh!’’ He repeated, excitedly.  
‘’Oh! Yes, it’s auntie Margo! ‘’ Laughed Olive, sitting down next to Rupert. ‘’From the videos!’’

Videos? Were there more than one of her in that thing? She remembers Arielle having asked Eliot and Quentin to fill it with footage of them before they left, and she did have made a quick one. But maybe they had snuck and filmed her when she didn’t know.

Auntie Margo. That was Eliot who had given her the nickname when she met Rupert. 

And Margo realized that the pain she was feeling from her heart was how full of burning love it was and how it was melting her frozen heart. She was trying so much not to feel anything and yet here she was. The small excitement of a toddler recognizing her, despite not having seen her in person for nearly eight months was simply one of the most wonderful things she ever saw. 

She realized that she had dreaded seeing Rupert because he would not know her, and she was not ready for him to reject her like any toddler do when they see strangers. But instead, Eliot had made sure that his son knew who she was. And he liked her. At least, seemed happy to see her. 

Even dead, Eliot was making sure that she was surrounded by love and goodness. Even dead, he cared. 

‘’We will let you sleep, my King,’’ Olive said, getting up the bed. ‘’I will finish your wardrobe later. ‘’  
‘’It’s alright. ‘’ Margo heard herself say, which made the handmaid stop short from picking the toddler. ‘’You are almost done, you can finish if you want. Rupert could show me all the beautiful videos he was watching. ‘’

She needed to hear Eliot. To see him. Even if it was in memory, she needed his laugh and his smile so she could fall asleep, pretending he was alive. 

Margo lied down on her bed, and Olive put Rupert next to her, comfortably seated in pillows. The fillorian started the video loop and gave the cellphone to the toddler who grabbed it, excitedly; visibly the little one loved watching those. 

I mean, even adult loved spending hours looking at those, so he was not to blame. 

Olive returned to her duty, and Rupert was showing the video. To see better but not losing a minute of it, he lied down next to her. Margo froze a moment, astonished of how easy this kid just settled himself into her arm like he had done it before. The High King blink tears so she would not shed them, and put her arm around the toddler who was showing a video of Julia and Quentin, talking about the silly thing they did when they were young and Quentin forcing Julia to sing a lullaby. 

With the Ambient kicking, Margo fell asleep before the first video of Eliot showed up on the phone. And when Olive was done, she found Rupert and the High King, sleeping in each other's arm. Napping for a different reason and yet, visibly happy and calm for the first time in weeks.


	7. Arielle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kady eat cereals, Arielle has coffee, The Monster wants eggs and bacon.

"You are up early."  
"I could say the same to you. "  
"Coffee?"  
"Please."

Kady and Arielle were now in the kitchen, their hand around a freshly brewed cup of coffee, silently eating cereal.

"I saw Q asleep on the couch. "Kady finally said, not that the quiet of the morning was uncomfortable. That was one of Arielle's secret talent apparently. She was good to make people comfortable, even if they were not talking. "You guys are good?"  
"Oh, yes. "Arielle said, looking at the living room. "He woke up in the middle of the night because his anxiety was flaring and said he would do some research and go back to bed when he felt tired. I guess he fell asleep reading."

Kady nodded, drank her coffee. Her face wasn't blank, and yet the emotion she was having was not evident. Of all the group of friend, Quentin and Eliot had, Kady was the hardest to read.

"I am worried about him. "Arielle finally admitted out loud. She knew she should tell someone like Margo or Julia. Someone closer to Quentin. But at this moment, the mother to be felt that Kady would be the only one in the loft who would listen. The other may understand her worry, but not listen to them.

That was another struggle she had been trying to battle on her own. Not wanting to burden her husband or anyone with it really; but if everyone had made an effort around her at first, they were not anymore. She was merely in their range when they were passing by, rarely explaining what was happening and how she could help. She had stayed on Earth to be with Quentin and support his fight to find Eliot back. But nobody seemed to want her to help. And without Rupert around needing her, she felt lonely. Not the first time that deep saddening feeling had struck her heart since they came in the future. More than once, she had selfishly and secretly wished they would have stayed in The Cottage in the past. More than once, she regretted to have shown them the Golden Tile.

"Yeah. We all are." Kady sigh, dropping her empty cereal bowl into the sink. "Has he cried yet? With everything he's living, he should. "  
"He did. Once. And he refused to talk about it the morning after. "

Arielle finished her cereals; Kady finished her coffee in one gulp.

"Was he like that before?" Arielle asked, hoping she'd have an answer to a question she was afraid to ask. Once again, she should have asked that to Julia or Margo. But they were not there, taking a moment to eat with her. "All bottled up and sad. I mean... I know he was different in Fillory. Eliot kept telling me how The Cottage had done a miracle on him. But... was he always like that?"  
"I'm not close with him, so I don't think I am the right person to answer that. "Kady said, looking sadly at Arielle. "But from the little, I knew of him before, no. He was a sad, mopey nerd, but not as dark and brooding."

Arielle nodded, somehow reassured that even for distant people, Quentin was not acting like himself. The young girl look at the darken hair woman take a pile of files and wished her good luck in her day before she left the penthouse. Loneliness crept slowly inside her chest.

"This is not a Good Morning America," a groggy voice echoed from the living room.

And Arielle knew enough of what Eliot's voice sounded like to know that The Monster had arrived to torment Quentin once again. After their confrontation the day before, Arielle had prayed any gods who would listen for her husband to have a day where he could rest. He needed to sleep so much. But her gods were dead, and The Monster presence was a reminder of it.

When she walked in the living room, she saw a visible hangover Monster and a sleepy Quentin argue about the day. The baby inside her moved and gave her the courage to approach the scene. They might not want her help, but since when was she listening to what other people wanted from her?

"How about you let Quentin do research today?" She said as her husband was pleading for 24 hours of research. Quentin looked at her with wide eyes that warned her not to enter the discussion. She squinted at him, reminding him that she was here for Eliot too. "You look like you need rest after yesterday."

Indeed, no need to be a specialist to know that The Monster was probably experiencing his first hangover in a mortal body. And the first one was always hard.

"I'm fine." Mumbled The Monster

Arielle sat next to her husband, who took her hand immediately.

"You are not. "Arielle said in the same voice she used to make Rupert take his bath. "You need to rest. And Quentin needs time. So give us a day and sleep. "

The Monster looked at Quentin and groaned a bit, closing his eyes. Yep. Hangovers were the worst.

"I am into something. I need time. "Agreed Quentin.

"Then I'll help you. "The Monster said, and then, Arielle knew what to do. Knew how to help.  
"How about we go to eat brunch first?" Arielle said, trying to pretend she was not feeling the crushing pressure her husband was putting on her hand. "Then if you feel better we will come back. But nothing is better after a hard night that bacons and eggs. "

The Monster look at Quentin who tried to put a charming and encouraging smile, but looked more like a grimace of fear. Thankfully, the creature possessing Eliot was too socially unaware to understand the difference.

"Fine. But first. Bathroom. Where is it."

The couple pointed the direction of the bathroom where The Monster went groggily, either to vomit or pee. Quentin took this moment to take his wife by the shoulder and look at her with a fear she never saw in his eyes before.

"Don't do this 'Elle. He's dangerous."  
"Not with me. He never was. "  
"For now. He wasn't violent with me either at first. And yesterday, he threw me across the apartment."

Quentin's eye lowered a few second on her belly and Arielle understood his fear. The idea of her body being thrown against a wall was so terrifyingly dangerous for the baby; she rather not think about it.

"He's dangerous, but also he acts like a child. And if there's one thing I know how to handle is a toddler not wanting to go to bed. Plus, I have seen Eliot hangover before, I know what he needs. "  
"This is not Eliot -" Quentin started, but Arielle cut him  
"I know. I know. But it's his body. And I know that when we three got drunk in Barrion dring the Blooming Festival, we craved eggs and bacon the day after. Then I'll just force him to was and sleep. Like I did with you and Eliot that time.

The reason why they had been in Barrion had been terrible and sad. Arielle had a miscarriage, and the boys were trying to cheer her up with one of the many fillorian festivals. This had led to one of the night, the three of them and a lot of alcohol. That night was blurry in her mind, but she reminded it had been a wild sex party, she had hickey for days after. And taking care of their hangover the day after had made Arielle feel better, wanted, useful. That day, napping between her boys, she realized that she would heal from the loss of their first child. She had a smile for the first time since blood had soaked her nightgown.

"It's not Barrion. And it's..." Quentin stumbles, his eyes filling with unwanted tears and fear. Arielle's heart broke. "I don't want to lose you too. I... can't."

Arielle embraced Quentin who hid his face in the crook of her neck, probably to avoid being seen crying. She let him tremble into his arm and hug him the hardest and tightest she could. She wanted to tell him she felt the same when he was leaving with his friend to do impossible missions to save Eliot. She tried to tell him she had been afraid to lose him for another nine-month every time he left her side. But it was not the time or place. All she could do was comfort her husband and try to tell him that she understood and shared his fear silently.

She released her embrace to kiss him, knowing that the kind of reassurance he needed was physical. Emotionally helping him was impossible right now and, after all, the reason she was pregnant at the moment had been one of those moments where Quentin had needed reassurance and love from her after a terrible incident.

"Gross," The voice of The Monster said, making them stop to kiss.

Arielle laughs softly as Quentin was bending to get a book so he could wipe his tears. This reaction to a kiss reminded her fondly of her youngest brother, Elias, who always hated seeing grown-ups kissing.

"I was just telling Quentin that you will not do any harm to me," Arielle said, getting up.

"I will not." said The Monster. Nothing with him could count as a promise, but it was better than nothing.

"Or the baby," she added, looking lovingly at her husband, hoping his fear would be soothed away

But this was impossible. Hoping for Quentin's anxiety to go away was like wishing for the sun to stop being so bright. There were things in nature that were just a thing. And if sunscreen was a thing to protect herself from the prolonged exposure to the sun, her words of reassurance was a way to protect Quentin from his anxiety. It would still be there, but hopefully, the damage would be minimal.

"Or the baby" repeated The Monster.

Quentin sigh and stood up with Arielle.

"Be careful." He said, knowing her well enough that there was no way for him to stop her.  
"It's just eggs and bacon. Nothing to worry about." She laughed before kissing him one last time before going out of the penthouse to the nearest diner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't came half as good as I wanted it to be but oh well. I am sorry for being slow, I am currently moving from an awful landlord and had bad news about my mom health so creativity took a step back. I forced myself to write today cause it always made me feel better and, despite not being the proudest of this chapter, I am proud I did wrote it down!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me xx


	8. Amanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third Year Healer Amanda wants to go to a party  
> tw: reference to past suicide attempt

Amanda Taylor Hamilton was a senior student at Brakebills University. One of the best of her class, a born healer and smoking too much cigarette for her own good. Despite the ups and downs of magic and being almost a year late from her graduation day because of it, she was a few weeks away to finish her time at one of the most prestigious universities of magic in the world. At least from the Healer side of things. From what she learned of the other school during the international welters tournament, she was grateful that she had actual doctor teaching her and not a scholar who reads more about healing magic than actually practising it.

This was one of the things she loved most of her discipline — the practice. After the middle of your second year, if you were a healer, you were expected to work in the school infirmary in exchange for school credits. Every other discipline had to do a thesis to become a graduate, but for the healer, it was this; working a year and a half on different schedules in a place where drunk Millenial with magic do stupid things.

The thing she had seen and heard in that room should probably be written and would become a best seller. That was for sure.

With The New World Order and The Library restriction on magic, the thing had been complicated for the healer. They had to rely on muggle solution for minor injuries and to use magic in the infirmary you had to fill out a request and make sure there was enough magic for the rest of the day and bla bla bla. A bureaucratic nightmare.

Amanda had seen the staff of the school struggling to get used to the low level of magic, but one that was near a constant breakdown was Dean Fogg. There was a silent agreement between all of the healers to have calming potion always ready to be used in the case of the dean, finally snapping and going postal. They were already giving daily doses to Lipson and many first years that had come back from Brakebill South.

It was the end of the afternoon, right before dinner. Amanda didn't have any work to do at the infirmary before tomorrow morning, and most of her homework was done already. So she had finally agreed to go to one of the Physical Kid's parties with Esmee Mirav, a natural student of her year. Maybe they would both stop pretending they were an only friend and kiss like they both have wanted to do since last summer.

Sighing, the blond girl open or closet and started to look at what she could wear. She could go wit bold and provoking or more reserved. One thing sure she would put that black lingerie she had bought a few days before. Settling on a dark purple skirt, she opened her shirt drawer when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," she said, blowing out the smoke of the cigarette she had been holding between her lips.

The redhead of a second-year she forgot the name of peaked by her door.

"uh... Mrs. Hamilton? Amanda," he asked.

"Yeah?" she answered without looking at him.

"You.. uh... Professor Lipson is requesting you in the infirmary."

Amanda sighed and finished her cigarette in one last inhalation before putting it in the nearest ashtray. If this kind of bullshit happened here, what would it be when she would be in the real world? Do healers never have a day off?

"I'm not scheduled before tomorrow two pm. "She said, looking at the second year. "If she wants a calming potion, they are on the right cabinet next to the bezoar stack. If it's not that, she can come to see me in my office hours."

Her idea of a friday night was to dance at the Physical Kids' cottage and make a move on a girl she liked. She was not about to babysit some second year, which was too nervous about healing a teacher.

"uh... No, it's not that it's...."  
"Look," Amanda said with a firm voice, annoyed that she had to explain herself. "If she is not bleeding from every orifice or in a near-death coma, I don't care. We are near the end of the year; your second year should be good enough to take care of things. I know the night shifts are different, but we all did it. So go back there, tell Lipson to see me tomorrow, and if there is an emergency call Dr. Meers. She is there to help you out. "  
"It's not-"

Looking sharply at the second year, Amanda noticed that he was visibly scared of something, which was intriguing. The first few weeks of training were meant to break those who didn't have the capacity to become a true healer. By that time of the year, it was rare to see something in the infirmary that had not been seen before or discussed in class.

"The Dean and Lipson came into the infirmary with a girl that is about to give birth." The redhead said after taking a deep breath. "Lipson said to go get you since you are best at-"

The boy didn't have time to finish this sentence before Amanda threw her skirt on the floor, passed him and rushed toward the infirmary.

Alright, this was a new one.

As she was running, she tried to think of a student that she knew was pregnant. One had an abortion done last month, and the other was not due before next October. She remembered in class having read about a student using an illusion spell to hide their pregnancy, but she could not think of who it could be. Not that she was the best at gossip, but hidden pregnancy had not been reported in Brakebills for the past forty years since one of the students died due to a complication and an extensive pregnancy support program was built at the school.

"Mrs. Hamilton!" a voice boomed as she arrived in the infirmary. "Glad to see you!"

Professor Lipson was at the side of a blond woman she had never seen before. Probably the first year. The young woman was visibly pregnant, and by the deep breathing, she was doing, perhaps having a painful contraction.

"Are the crystal ready?" Amanda asks, automatically going to a closet where the lab coat was ready to be worn during someone's hour in the infirmary.

"On the left table," Lipson said.  
"What is the magic level?"  
"Screw the level, use what you need, we'll deal with the rest later."

The pregnant woman was breathing heavily and now sobbing.

"Quentin. You have to call him. I can't.... not alone. I need..."  
"I know. Don't worry. We are trying to reach him."

Amanda tuned out the two other women talking and started to concentrate on her spells. With precise hand motion and concentration, the healer began to work. Crystal magic was not her specialty, that was Therry's territory, but reducing and removing pain, that she could do easily. Some people her year were always complaining that she had an advantage during office hours and will get a better grade than them. But that was bullshit. Everyone had a different power when it came to healing. Heck Patrick was able to close a wound with his bare hands!

She wondered if the other houses were as competitive as the healers. Knowledge for sure, but she couldn't see Physical Kids' or Natural being so cutthroat.

"Arielle," Lipson was saying in a too calm voice to be real. "I need you to look at me. Good. Now we breathe."

Oh right. The girl. Amanda snapped out of her spiralling mind and focused on the crystal she was enchanting. Part of her was excited to be called for a birth. It was something they had to learn in class and were told would most likely not happen during their training at Brakebills. This was a rare and fantastic learning opportunity. Being top of the class had perks.

"Quentin..."

Grabbing her final product, Amanda walks toward the pregnant woman with a reassuring smile. The poor girl's cheeks were damp with tears, there was fear in her eyes, and she was clearly panicking. All of those Amanda was trained to handle. But first she will help with the pain, that would help the future mother to calm down for sure.

"Arielle, this is Doctor Hamilton, one of my best students. She is about to graduate. "Lipson said with a calm she only had around patient. Amanda tried to smile when Arielle looked at her. "She will give you a crystal that will help with your pain. Hold it in your right hand and make sure it touches the palm. "

Arielle nodded and opened her right hand, ready. One thing she liked about magicians, they were told quite early that crystal was magic, and crystal healing was a real thing. You didn't have to argue about it like you have to do with muggles.

Lipson continues to explain what Amanda was doing as she placed the other three crystal on Arielle's leg, tummy and forehead. She did a quick spell to make sure they would stay in place even if the future mother were moving. Within second, part of Arielle's face relaxed. Probably the part where she was handling pain. There was still distress and fear.

Lipson showed Amanda how to see if the baby was ready to go out, always talking to her and making sure that Arielle was included so she would not feel alone. After accessing that she was not prepared to push, the teacher took the student aside with a wide smile.

"This was really quick and well-executed magic you did; I am really proud of you, Amanda. "  
"Thank you." Said the girl, trying not to beam with too much pride. "and uh... thank you for calling me. I know you could have done it alone."  
"I could have." Agreed on the teacher, "I owe my life to the father of that baby. He saved me from suicide. The less I can do to bring my best student and make sure she gets the best care we can provide. "

The suicidal tendencies of her mentor was always an awkward subject for Amanda to hear. Yes, they were giving her calming potion, and now that magic was back, she had been much more stable, but healing the mind was something Amanda could never do. And she hated it. She hated knowing someone had a health issue, and there was nothing to do. Not even with magic.

"I don't know what Fogg is doing, Quentin should be here by now." The teacher said nervously, looking at her watch. "I'll go look into it, do you mind staying here and keeping an eye on her? I doubt anything major will happen anyway."  
"S...sure."  
"Great! You can do the usual questioning if you don't know what to say. Fill her chart. Not that we need it, but it could be good practice for you. "  
"Alright"

With a small smile, Lipson left the room. Amanda took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart that had started to beat faster than usual. The adrenaline of the past few minutes must have it her system. Trying to settle down, she decided to remember the steps of what she had to do. 

First, stabilize the patient  
Look for curses and wounds  
Fill in the patient chart  
Provide medical help. 

The student walked toward the counter and filled a large cup of water before going to get an empty patient chart and a pen. Then she walked toward Arielle, who was still breathing profoundly but had her eyes closed.

"Are you alright?" Amanda asked, sitting next to her. She put the cup on the table for the young woman to drink, which she grabbed immediately. "Are you in pain?"  
"No… not anymore. "Arielle said after a large drink of water. "Thanks to you."  
"If there's any chance you feel tell me, the crystal might need to be recharged."

Arielle nodded, finishing the water. Amanda went to fill it again before sitting down. She managed to glace at the magic level chart; it was at 21. Not as bad as she imagined.

Scribbling the magic level on the blank template, Amanda tried to put the same calming smile she saw her teacher had when talking to her earlier.

"I have a few questions to ask to fill your chart, is that alright?"  
"Sure."

Seeing Arielle eyeing the door, Amanda wondered if Lipson wanted her to fill that chart so the pregnant woman would be busy and not focused on her being alone.

"Name?"  
"Arielle Coldwater"  
"Age"  
"26 years old."  
"Do you know when you were due?"  
"In about a week."  
"Do you know what could have triggered the contractions."  
"Well, I was with The Monster, and we travelled to his house so I could force him to bathe and sleep. It started there. When it became clear that I was in labour, I asked him if he could send me here. Mr. Fogg told me if I needed assistance with the baby, I could come. I think he feels bad for what he did to Quentin while I was pregnant."

The Monster? Mr. Fogg? Amanda blinked a few seconds, realizing this girl might not be a student at all. Nobody called Dean Fogg mister.

"Is Quentin the father?" Amanda decided to ask, still trying to process the last sentence.   
"Yes, he's my husband."  
"Who is….. The Monster…. To you? A friend? A family member."

Let's put that in the list of strange things she had to ask a patient. Next to "are you sure you didn't swallow that playtopus." 

Arielle blue eyes looked at her, visibly unsure. She put a hand on her stomach, thinking. 

"It's ok; you are in a safe place here, you can tell me. Did he hurt you?"  
"What? No! No… he...uh… It's just complicated."  
"Can you try to explain, I will try to keep my mind open."

Arielle nodded and drank more water before continuing. 

"My husband's boyfriend is named Eliot. Both of them were gone for nearly a year, and when they came back, Eliot was possessed by an evil God that is trying to seek revenge on those who wronged him. That...entities don't remember his name, so we called him The Monster. Because he doesn't care about killing or torturing. But the more I get to know him, the more I think he was never introduced to that sense of morality. You know. What is right and what is wrong. Because when I told him about things he did that upset me, he tried hard not to do them again. I am not saying he's not dangerous. He is. He kills in the blink of an eye and Julia said even the Gods couldn't kill him. But… I don't think he's as bad as we think. He's lost and trying to make connexion through fear instead of love because that's all he ever knew… "

Amanda's mind exploded with thousands of questions about the Gods, where Eliot and Quentin had been for a year and the idea of morality in evil creatures. Who was this girl, and what kind of crazy life did she and her husband have? 

"Do you know if Eliot is still alive?" Was the only thing that came out of Amanda's mouth as her mind tried to ask thousands of questions at once. She just finished her paperwork on possession and how damage a soul can be if ever salvageable.  
"Q says he is, that he talked with him for a few seconds before the Monster took back his body. Julia and Penny are trying to help him find a solution to bring him back."

Amanda nodded, noting theses information knowing they were useless to the patient file but needed to do something that didn't require to say anything for a moment. 

"Do you think it's true? That El' could be there?" Arielle ask. 

The fact that she trusted Amanda to have this kind of knowledge was sweet but rather sad. Visibly, Arielle had a lot of worries in her mind she didn't share with her husband. 

"Possessions are complicated and rare. Each of them is unique to their condition, and the strength of will a person have to survive. Sometimes, the body will create a pocket where the soul of the other person can be stored. Sometimes it is too strong and gets crushed by the others... It is the kind of answer that we only have after the possession is over. Not before."

Arielle nodded, drinking slowly. 

"I am sorry I can't provide a more helpful answer," Amanda said, wishing she could help more. 

But for that, she would have to meet Eliot-Monster, and she was not sure she wanted. Anyway, Elrik was the specialist in that genre, not her. 

"No, thank you for being honest. I'd rather not have my hopes up or living on a lie."

Amanda was about to answer when a man in a black hoodie with a large bag under his eyes bolted into the room. His brown hair was disheveled, and he was holding a half-eaten egg sandwich. Lipson and Fogg followed a few seconds after.

"Q!" Exclaimed Arielle. Her face changed from pure terror and sadness to relief and happiness. 

The men ran to her bed, and Amanda gave him his seat. 

"I am so so sorry," Quentin said, putting his sandwich on the table and taking his wife's hand. "My phone was on mute. The day was the craziest. "  
"Crazier than when you chased Ember and Umber with El'?"  
"I'll say the same level of a crazy, but a different kind."

Arielle was laughing and crying at the same time. Quentin too. Amanda, who didn't understand that last reference, let them have a private moment and walk toward her teacher and the dean. 

"She travelled with another….magicians," she said, not sure she wanted to explore the God part of Arielle's story just right now. "And when they appeared to their destination, her contraction started."  
"Happen more often than not," Lipson said to her and the dean, nodding. "Traveling is hard on a non-traveller body."  
"Will she be alright?" Dean Fogg asks, his eyes glued to Arielle and Quentin, talking and holding hands. 

"Oh, yes," Amanda said without even asking her teacher to validate that hunch. "She was due in the next week; the baby is not in danger."  
"Nor is the mother, since she came to us." Agreed Lipson.  
"Great. Well, I will let you do your work then. Good job Mrs. Hamilton."

Having the dean of the university praising you in a non-ironic way made the healing student feel warm and happy. She swells with pride as she smiled at him. She watched him leave before looking at her teacher, ready to continue her duties. 

Fuck the Physical Kid's party; this was way more fun anyway. 

"Let see how she is doing," Suggested Lipson. "I don't think she's ready, but the baby might be. Better check!"

Five hours later, Arielle was sleeping in the infirmary bed, her forehead still full of sweat from her labour. Quentin was holding in his arm a little girl who was freshly washed and bundled in a warm blanket. The father was crying of joy, Amanda was crying too. 

She just saw a human being take the first breath of her life. This, she thought, was the purest kind of magic.


	9. Fen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen wakes up from her Ambient-induced dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Nanowrimo for forcing me to write ahah!

The day had started strange and kept being stranger by the minute for Fen. Back from her side quest to find who was messing with her dream, the Fillorian just woke up from a drug-induced sleep where she had met The Napster. What she was told to do by a questing creature had been so disturbing that her dream-self forced herself to wake up and think about it.

In her half-conscious state, she had the feeling of waking up to her home near Brighthaven, ready to take care of the chicken and force her dad to eat while he was already working on something. She was wondering if she should go to the city to get bread when her mind woke up slightly more and she remembers she was not at her old house. In fact, she had not been for the past two years and a half. Fen blinked a few times as she woke up, sitting down her bed and stretching while yawning. Memories of her old house floated in her mind, as well as the order of The Napster to betray the woman she was looking up too. Those two memories together were letting her a bitter taste, and while she could shake off one of them, she couldn't stop thinking about Margo.

By the Gods' hairy balls, she missed Arielle right now. For the first time in her life, Fen had a confidente to talk about her worries and work out a solution. But the other fillorian was gone on Earth, helping Quentin with his grief over losing Eliot. Meanwhile, all she had here to comfort herself of losing her husband had been an overworked and emotionally unstable Margo, Josh, who was always changing the subject and making her eat pastries, and Raife who was now gone for a few days as Abigail was finding back her voice.

Well, there was Rupert and Olive. But one was a toddler who was learning how to talk, and the other was looking after him or doing another task in the castle. Yes, Olive used to be her lady in waiting. But not anymore. She was too much out of the loop to understand anything that complex.

When Fen learned about Eliot, she had Margo to cry on. Of course, the High King was uncomfortable and annoyed. Emotion had never been her strongest point. But she had been there. Because they both loved Eliot. Differently, for sure, but still did. With many days to think it over, Fen was mourning the idea of being a wife, more than anything. Of course, losing Eliot was hard, and she was devasted to learn what had happened. But losing him was not only wasting her place at court -she couldn't care less about that- but losing her connexion to the people from Earth. She had grown close to Julia, and with Arielle in the mix had learned to appreciate Quentin, who was anxious but loving. She enjoyed listening to Kady rant about anything, simply in awe of seeing such a strong woman with many opinions. And if Penny from this timeline had been a bit rough from time to time, he never had been anything but kind and patient with her. Penny 23 was still a mystery to her, but she was intrigued to see what a different life had change into the Penny she use to know. Even Josh, she loved it. For his goofs, his bad jokes and that he never saw her as beneath him. He was also the one who helped him control her dream while everyone was thinking her insane. Losing Eliot was losing all of them. Minus Josh and Margo who were still in the castle. 

Now, if she betrayed Margo, she would lose her, too, which was merely horrifying to think. During the first year in the castle, Fen had been terrified of her. And she knew that part of her would never full forgive that she was sold away to the fairy. Part of her was blaming her for the loss of her daughter. But she also found in Margo new freedom she never thought she could have; Margo made her want to be more than a wife, more than fu fighter, more than a daughter of a knifemaker. Margo made her realize that she could be Fen. But learning to be yourself was more difficult than in look like, and she was inspired by seeing the High King walking with confidence through her life, keeping her head high through the hardship and making sure people didn't think of her as a lesser person because she was a woman. A concept that seemed so natural for her, while completely foreign for Fen.

She still remembered one of the rare talks they had together in the beginning. At the moment, it had meant nothing, but the more Fen was growing up and learning to be herself, the more she understood.

"Besides being in the council and Eliot's wife, what do you want to do with your life Fen," asked the High Queen, who was reviewing Fen's wardrobe. It was too drab and clashed with Eliot's style.   
"I am not sure I understand what you mean."  
"You must have thought of something you wanted to be if ever Eliot or whoever High King wouldn't show up, right? What was it"

Fen hesitated. She had learned the hard way that was talking about a future that was not in Whitespire was not something people wanted to hear. Even the FU Fighter had hope for her to be in the castle, so she had inside information. She knew what was her father's plan if she was near the end of the age to be married, and no one showed up. But it had been in such a long time that she had never thought of that possibility to be real.

"Well, if Eliot would not have been here, I... probably would have married one of the few boys around my house and have a family with them," Fen said, thinking about who it could have been. 

Anyone but Finn. Even Eliot, who was not the most attentive lover, was better than Finn. Plus, Finn and Fen sounded terrible. Not that anyone cared. 

"I didn't say what you would have done; I mean what you would have wanted to be."

Margo said, looking at her with an expression, she was not able to understand. With time and have learned to know the earth woman, Fen would say her eyes were concerned, horrified and angry at the same time. Margo was good at having a lot of feeling at the same time and yet showing none of it. 

"I... don't think I understand the question."

Margo sighs and waved her hand in the air, saying to forget it and to get the seamstress. Apparently, her whole wardrobe was to be re-done. 

Before losing her baby and being stuck in a cell with only herself for company, before going mad with grief and unable to accept the death of her child, before meeting Julia and Alice, Fen had wanted to be what she was told. She was told she wanted to marry the High King, produce an heir and make sure that Fillory was going in the right direction by helping her husband and educating her son to be a monarch.

Now, she was not sure of any of it. Of course, she couldn't take away her wedding with Eliot. Not for love, but by protection. People at home hated him, so hated her. And despite Margo being the High King now, she was still too scared of going back home and being told she failed her grandfather's wish. She had wanted to be a mother, but now she was not sure she was ready to be pregnant again. Rupert was a blessing of accepting her as a mother, and that was what she needed. She was realizing more and more that having a family is more than sharing the same blood or a wedding ring. She had found a family in Margo, in Eliot, in Arielle, in Alice, in Julia. Found family Eliot had to call them. She liked the concept.

And now she had to betray one of them. For the sake of her world. Her kingdom. Her son. The Napster had been clear. If she didn't dethrone Margo, Rupert would be the first to suffer the consequences of a broken Fillory. The High King had to be removed from power to save everyone. 

But could she?

Margo had done it. To save Eliot, she had used her as a pawn and sold her to the fairies. The fillorian knew she should think of that when thinking about betraying her. But she also knew that she regretted that gesture quite rapidly. That she had tried to fix it and, to this day, had been kinder and even closer to her. Margo also said in a drunken night they both had that she was one of the rare female friends she had. Which, from her, was the biggest compliment in the world. She knew Margo had learned since then. Fen saw her grow as a High Queen who didn't know what she was doing to a High King who was telling the Gods to stop fucking with her people. 

(What happen to Bacchus anyway? He disappeared the day after Margo came back... )

Fen also saw Margo change from being mean and heartless to amiable and protective. Margo had started to treat her like another human being and not just someone that was in her way.

Margo had grown up. And was still growing up as a High King. She could be so much more. So much better. So much grander. But for that, Fen had to make sure she stayed on the throne, which she had been told not to.

"Mommy!" A small voice boomed into the room, snapping Fen out of the spiralling anxiety haze she was having.

Rupert ran to the bed and tried to climb up by himself. It was a bit too high for him but hated when people wanted to help him. So by the time he was finally on the bed, Fen manages to wipe away her worries from her face, shove them in the corner of her mind.

"Sorry for the wake-up," Olive said with a fond smile as she was going to open the curtain to a bright and sunny day. "When he heard that you were back from your trip, all he wanted to do is to see you."

Warmth enveloped Fen's body. All that worry had left her heart cold and bitter, and Rupert had washed it away with his love and excitement. This was a feeling that only parents could ever understand. The pure and simple love of a child. Without filter. Without lies. It was beautiful.

"I was already awake, its quite alright," Fen said, wrapping her arm around the toddler who hugged her as hard as his small body could.

He had become a bit more clingy since Arielle was gone, she noticed.

"Breakfast is ready," Olive said, not missing a beat and opening her wardrobe to pick a dress. "Sir Josh would like to take to you and High King Margo about his actions while you were gone. We will have guests later this afternoon, and I think it's important that he brief you about it."  
"Good or bad guest?" Fen asked.  
"Depend on who you ask and why they are there. I think I shouldn't be the one saying anything. I think Sir Josh is waiting for Lady Margo in the throne room."

Rupert was already annoyed that Fen was not giving him her full attention and was pulling on her sheets. Fen looked at him and grinned before attacking his arm and his tummy of kisses. He screamed while laughing. This sound was the best way to wake up in the world

\-------------------------

Fen had just told everyone in the throne room to give the High King and Josh some... privacy. The fact that none of them seemed to care for the presence of anyone at the moment was less of a show of love but a show of burning passion; because that was how Margo loved. Not at all or to the fullest. The quiet kind of love, the one that doesn't burn bright but last forever, this one she had for only one person in the world. Eliot.

And they just learned that he was alive.

And that Quentin, Julia, Kady and Penny were working hard to bring him back.

And that Arielle had her baby.

Josh had told them all those news, which had lead Margo to jump on him like a beast on a prey. And as Fen was telling everyone to leave them alone, she decided to rush to Quentin and Arielle, who had just arrived with the new addition to their family.

Arielle was in the bedroom next to Fen's when she found her, Quentin has gone to see Rupert. The newborn was sleeping against her mother, wrap with a scarf that gave the mother both her hands. Fen hugged her as hard as she could with a little one between them and felt tears come back in her eyes.

That surprised her. Seeing Arielle, seeing the baby, she realized how much she missed her. Her confidente and best friend were back in Fillory, and maybe she could help her decide on all the chaos that was happening.

"It's a girl," Arielle said as Fen looked curiously at the few parts of the baby that were visible in the scarf wrap. "Like you said."  
"I have a sense for those things, I tell you." she beamed. "Did you find a name."  
"Arya."  
"Like that character in Game of Thrones? The one you liked?"  
"Yes. I talked with Quentin about it. He names Rupert for one of the Chatwin in the Fillory book. He knew I'd read the series when he was away and how it had been important for me at some lonely moment. So when I said I like Arya's name, he agreed without hesitation. Plus, he told me it was his favourite character too, so; it's a win-win."  
"Did you gave her a middle name? Like they do on Earth."  
"Margo."

Fen's heart sank into her stomach, and she felt the first sign of nausea coming to her. Arielle just named their new child from someone she had to betray. Seeing the questioning look, Arielle was giving her; she tried to fake a smile that didn't go up to her eyes. It was fake but better than the pure anguish she was feeling at the moment.

"When I was pregnant with Rupert, I had promised Eliot to name her Margo if it was a girl," Arielle explained quickly. "I just....it felt right to do it this time. For Eliot."  
"Is it true?" Fen said, jumping to a subject that was not Margo. "About him? He's alive."  
"Q talked to him a few seconds. He's inside The Monster, and he's fighting."  
"Here I was mourning him and - "  
"We all were. I mean, when he talked to Eliot, Quentin and Alice were about to kill The Monster for good. We had given up hope."

Fen blinked a few seconds.

"Alice?" She asked, confused. "Didn't she betray them and is the reason why all of this is happening? Why is she around?"  
"Yes, she did." Arielle sigh, visibly thinking. "It's complicated. Let say she came to save Q's life and then we told her to leave, which she did. She was not forgiven. We just made it work for the sake of killing The Monster."

If Alice could betray all of them and yet they let her in their life only a few months after, maybe Fen would not lose them as quickly as she thought. Despite betraying Margo. If she could explain herself, perhaps they would not want to be close to her anymore, but they might still be able to help her in the castle. Maybe Josh wouldn't leave his position as chief. Maybe Arielle wouldn't go back to Earth with her children and pretend they had never been a family.

Maybe it was not black and white, but there was a grey area she could fall on. If only she had time to explain herself.


End file.
